POSTED
BY RICK
WOLFF ON OCTOBER
09, 2013
AT WWW.AskCoachWolff.com
How
Today’s Losses Let Adults Teach Children How to Win in Life
By
Doug Abrams
On
September 25, writer Ashley Merryman published a New
York Times op-ed
column, “Losing Is Good For You.” She urged parents and coaches
“to help kids overcome setbacks, to help them see that progress
over time is more important than a particular win or loss, and to
help them graciously congratulate the child who succeeded when they
failed.”
The
Foundation of Skills Development
Ms.
Merryman’s point is well taken. Too many adults impose unhealthy
pressure on themselves and their youth leaguers because they
mistakenly liken defeat to failure. Losing is a natural, inevitable
and ultimately healthy part of growing up with sports. Every week of
every season, half of all youth leaguers competing in America lose.
Each one returns to play another day.
A
colleague once explained to me how working their way through defeat
helps children win. Players on a winning streak, he said, sometimes
lapse into complacency and take success for granted. When the team
plays its best but drops a few games, however, players are more
likely to begin healthy self-criticism. “What are we doing wrong,
and how can we do better to win next game?” The answers can hasten
individual skills development and improve overall team performance.
Adversity
and Resilience
Children
win even greater victories, however, when parents and coaches use
today’s losses to teach youngsters resilience when things do not go
their way. Youth leaguers need this lesson because, like it or
not, frustration and thwarted ambition help define adulthood for
nearly everyone. Youth sports provides early experience with
setback, when the stakes are much lower than they sometimes will be
later on.
Child
psychologists warn that when parents make excuses for defeat or cast
blame on the referees or others, they leave their children
ill-prepared for the challenges of adulthood. Parents naturally want
their children to succeed more often than they fail — to win more
often than they lose — but children also learn plenty when adults
guide them through tough times.
During
the first class session each semester, I tell my law students that
the most valuable lesson their parents ever taught them was how to
live on their own when parents no longer peer over their shoulders
and supervise their lives. Each year, I watch law
students face the inevitable stumbles as they struggle to master
their coursework, maintain their grades, and navigate a difficult job
market. I sense that the ex-athletes often display better coping
skills than their classmates, perhaps because overcoming losses in
sports taught them how to get up off the floor and move ahead.
Conclusion:
Making Lemons Into Lemonade
Every
parent, coach and youth leaguer knows that winning is preferable to
losing. Except at the youngest age levels when scores should not
matter, sports depends on competitors who want to win every game
within the rules. Wanting to win is why athletes compete. An athlete
unconcerned about the score disrespects the game and denies opponents
the spice that comes from sports.
But
toughness in the face of defeat is also central to the learning
process because no youth league team wins every game and no athlete
in individual sports wins every match or meet. Learning how to
rebound from losses is a lasting dividend of youth sports, and adults
do their children no favor when they routinely withhold that dividend
by bubble wrapping players in a misguided effort to shield them from
temporary disappointment.
No comments:
Post a Comment